just in case i haven't addressed this

like i say sometimes

i still think that i might be delusional & i have to continue considering that possibility bc right now anything is an option i haven't screwed anything down.

but if it's not..

and that would mean i still didn't know what it was but i just knew that it was SOMETHING

and i would acknowledge it was something that did exist.

here are a list of things i need to survive without my parents being involved RIGHT NOW:

after my 5 day experience in new york which i consider to be a temporary arrangement

i am returning home

if i were to go back

i would need certain things in order to stay alive and healthy

1.psychiatrist covered by insurance
2.psychologist covered by insurance (a doctorate is required)
3. regular doctor covered by insurance
4. obgyn covered by insurance
5. mental health support group very close to my living location
6. possibly i would need to live in a group home
7. a person who would remind me of things like an assistant or maybe a friend or maybe like a home health aide or maybe someone assigned by medicaid
8. i need to live somewhere i can get cheap healthy food that is already cooked and basically  serving a wide variety of things
9.i need a working phone, computer
10. i need wifi in my living space FAST PERSONAL LOCKDOWN
11. i need my own room.
12. i need a closet
13. i need to live near a drugstore that is covered by my insurance
14. i need to be with a friend that i trust who can help me learn how to use public transportation and be very safe
15. i need to go to a baptist church (or just be near one)
16. i need to stay away from - razors, knives, alcohol, drugs, cigarettes, bad influences
17. i need to surround myself with understanding supportive people who are good listeners and open to odd conversations
18. i need to go to sleep every night before midnight  i need to try to wake up every morning before 10 am
19. i need to be in reach of a refrigerator, a coffeemaker, a pantry, an ice machine, a heater, an air conditioner ?, there cannot be bugs in my apartment.
20. i need to have a good understanding with my landlord. we need to understand each other and agree on how things will go down. same thing with my boss if i have an internship or a job.