i wonder what you must think of me

intelligent girl like that

sitting in her bed all day

she seems happy

nothing seems to be wrong..

what is her fucking problem

she needs to go to work and set a good example

you just don't understand.

you are judging me.

that's what you are doing.

you are overestimating my capabilities to sit in a chair for 12 or more hours a day

drive in a vehicle

or be out of a bed

i can't stand in lines

i can't stand in one place for more than a few moments before i have to sit

i am handicapped.

physically

mentally

emotionally

you don't understand.

i have great ideas.

i know that i do.

a lot of people think i'm a creative genius.

i probably am.

today i realized something amazing.

i feel the experience of "nirvana" quite often, and get RIPPED from it.

by people everyday people who don't know that i'm experiencing it

and i get ANGRY with them

for pulling me out of that HIGH

i don't know why i experience it

i don't like hallucinate the majority of the time

but it's like I'm sucked into a dream state

i'm just floating and i'm daydreaming and i'm in this euphoria

i'm just i could explode

i feel SO MUCH

and you don't understand.

even just distracting me from this amazing feeling

 I FEEL RAGE towards you.

from taking me away.

it's not fair

i want to stay there in my fake world
 that I created

i want to take my lover there too!

and i'm sad that i'm the only person who can feel that way.

i didn't know that i was feeling that until today..

i didn't realize that no one else felt that.

i have always felt that.

that's why i'm so mean

i can't go through these emotions so rapidly and just

be around people.

it's exhausting.

it's horrible.