choices and where they lead

my destiny

i was a girl once.

i know hard to believe.

i had some mental illness but i wasn't physically handicapped, just a bit of aspergers.

i got very depressed when my dad moved me to san antonio at age 11.

i had no friends.

not even back then.

i started going to public school where i was bullied.

i then transferred to private.

i went to the same church that was owned by the same people who owned the school.

it was called buckner fanning christian school at mission springs.

i hated every minute of it.

 but on sundays i got to see the boys i liked.

there were three of them.

anyways because i was being bullied so much at school i went back to public at 7th grade after repeating 5th grade.

i continued going to the same church.

i met a woman there. linda

i had a foot surgery in 2007 i was 17.

i still had no friends.

linda was sent by the church to visit me after my surgery,

and we became friends.

linda started living with us.

she became part of our family.

we accepted us as her own.

she had some "mommy issues"

and started taking time away from me and my sister to spend it with my mom and was jealous of me and my sister because she didn't have a mom like mine.

after i graduated high school i went to new york with linda for the first time.

i had a wonderful time.

we saw wicked

i saw jimmy fallon on thanksgiving (it was there that i saw robin williams)

and i enjoyed my time there a lot.

i went back to college and eventually dropped out. i moved to virginia to work at j crew

linda was kicked out of our house and terminated the relationship with me.

after i left virginia and i was determined physically handicapped by my dad's friend who had diabetes who happened to be a podiatrist i went to texas tech

i dropped out of texas tech after being raped

i went to the mental hospital

i recovered a bit

and then i moved to pennsylvania

it was there that i met zachary
 in new york for breakup at a wedding

and then after that traveled to a small town and ran into him again and accidentally walked in on "someone" using the handicapped bathroom which i thought was free

because i was handicapped

and then i ran to the other bathroom while having a panic attack.

after he "deserted me" at the theatre

i drove all the way back to texas after making some pit stops in louisiana and a couple other places

i went to my childhood best friend's wedding

and i was alone

so i ran away from my parents and the wedding

and i stayed in a hotel

i ran away from my parents fully intending to accept a job offer in pennsylvania for lord and taylor but  i get arrested in kentucky under the mental health court and was placed by a court order in a mental institution.

my dad drove my car home and then flew there to get me after i was released and then i spent the next few months in a few more hospitals in texas

i've been waiting here ever since.

xo