Wednesday, July 20, 2016

congratulations

you seem to have finally accepted yourself as you are.
now the question is, if you love yourself as you are, is there anything you want to improve?
you can't be perfect here and now. i hope you have accepted that and it seems you have.

i just hope you relax and enjoy the ride that you are on.
just know i'm not relaxed, i'm not enjoying this, and i'm quite upset.

you remind me of the one that raped me.
i didn't love him.

i just need to talk to you and know it's you..
you have had the chance to confront me.
and i have not gotten the opportunity to have an honest discussion with you.
have i not earned that by now?
if i have not, in your honest opinion, then please have mercy on me and give it to me.

a long conversation. on my terms.
what's the point of living if you only do what you want?

i know that i don't please others often, i honestly cannot in my opinion.
i don't know how to comprimise.

i'm guilty of everything.
but i'm at peace with myself because i love myself with all my flaws.
God's love for me amazes me.

I know you watch.
I don't know why you do what you do, but I know you do.
I have no evidence, I have no reasoning.
I JUST KNOW.
maybe that's not logical enough for you, but if it is true then maybe there's something about me that you can't comprehend of understand until you open the door.

God loves you too you know. He loves every individual. individually.

It's time for you to confront the fact that we met. And we can't unmeet.
And no matter how painful it is for you to hear my honest opinion.
It's better for you to know than not know, and that might be the reason that you watch.

And I watch.
I don't always know why.
I'm crazy, don't trust me.

Why take my ideas if you didn't want to give me anything back.

i'm sorry to admit I think more highly of you than you think you deserve.

I know you are self-conscious and I have even made it worse for you.

But you will never grow until you learn to ignore things that are irrelevant to you and back away from a fight.

I am not trying to fight with you.

You aren't trying to fight with me.

No.
No.

See what's going on inside my head is disturbing to me.

And I want you to help me fix it.

I beg of you please help me.

I'm desperate.

No one understands or gives me the time of day.

Why should you?

Because you can't leave me alone.

And you owe me.