i respect that

yeah so i was watching the talk show...
i watched the clip several times.

and i don't wish to retract my entire statement.

but i think maybe what i said was a little harsh.

so I apologize, jennifer.

i thank you for what you said..

thank you for admitting that you are not perfect.

which is basically like an apology

and i think that your example

(so many people look up to you)

including myself.

will take this,  so many views of that clip

and just start to realize,
 fame, money, power, awards, it's not everything..

you have a job to do, you look amazing while you are doing it, I really commend you on that..

and you are really one of the good ones, and i think we just agreed.

neither of us are perfect.

and i also think that we agree to agree that there are "different levels of people"

but that in itself doesn't mean that, SOME PEOPLE DESERVE BETTER THAN OTHER PEOPLE.

it just means some people have different skillets.

I think that funniest example i can really give to illustrate this is "Taken"

i know it's a thriller but if you just watch that clip where liam is like "i have a skill set, i can get my daughter...." or something while someone like you, or emma, or even amy, or someone very idk believable just down to earth goes on tv and is like trying to come across as like, well the reason that i'm in hollywood and "YOU" - meaning like either "ME, christa sloan" or like YOU- everyone that's not currently famous but has been trying for years... or something

or anything like that. (please don't say my name though) please..

it's like some people are just really talented and lucky and in the right place at the right time and they work hard, and like you did say you are a show pony and you never stop.

someone like me - yes i admit i am pretty generally above average (i'm not um, i guess what i would say oscar worthy... in my own opinion) but i can say i play piano better than the majority of the 8 billion people on earth.


i probably lip synch better than the majority of the 8 billion people on earth

i probably sing better than the majority of the 8 billion people on earth (i'm definitely  not tone deaf but like without doctoring me like me at the grammy's would be HORRIBLE haha)

i probably am better at just being creative in general than the majority of the 8 billion people on earth

BUTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT,

i am lazier than the majority of the 8 billion people on earth...

i am crazier than the majority of the 8 billion people on earth....

i am more ill than the majority of the 8 billion people on earth.....

i have lived more places for someone of my age than the majority of the 8 billion people on earth (meaning that i uh, can't really stay focused and committed)

so....

also

I am probably in one of the lowest percentiles for math in the 8 billion people on earth.

taking all of that into account.

including my parentage, adoption, schooling, GPA, college, connections, and the fact that i'm living on social security at age 25, i probably should NOT be famous....


there are MANY talented ballerinas, and ACTRESSES, and PIANISTS, and SINGERS, and just like SHOW PONY people who have worked and you know i'm not saying i didn't spend the majority of my life practicing these things.

I DID

in school i spent the majority of my time learning music, theatre, and writing/speech/reading/langauge arts.

SO MANY OTHERS HAVE.

i've been thinking about the past.

it affects the future.

if i became successful in any way and I wanted to pay tribute to any one human being

that wasn't already successful in this way.

it would be the person who almost made me want to commit suicide.

He made me so much stronger.

and i still love him.

today..

and I feel that currently he is weaker because of me, and I want to help him realize that he is so special and unique and important and just like incredible and like he has a story to tell as well, and I just really want
if i were to ever direct a story about my life, I  would want him to be a part of it, and it would be a positive thing for him.

like yeah, i do feel a bit like kanye right now.

but i'm not asking for money or support really.

i guess i am asking for support.

but i really just want to be given the minimum necessary to survive.

i don't want to go on crazy vacations and do all of this like exponential research and 3d and IMAX or groundbreaking stuff.

i want a true grit film, that is honest and surreal, and just as basic as possible if i was going to do it.

i want to be a huge part of it, and i don't want it to be an "expose"

i thank god, for everything that i have been given, the chance to meet amazing people - people who have screwed me over and showed me that life is worth living even when the people you love the most treat you like shit and tell you they don't love you and that you are worth nil, and they don't want you in their life, and you should go and jump off a bridge.

you have to strive for life. and strive for improvement, and encourage yourself every single day.

i can tell you.

the people that tell you that you are worth nothing to them,

they are liars, and they are wrong.

everyone, is worth something to you.

everyone.

the person who taught me the lesson i needed to learn in life the most, who would never think to himself that he did me a service at all, he would probably look back and be ashamed of his actions and think God, I was a terrible person, or like, I wish I could forget that.

He helped to form, a person - ME, a person who is not perfect, a person who has SO MANY FAULTS, a person who at times can be VERY DEMANDING and EGOTISTICAL, a person who at the time that  i had known him could not find a reason why he could not want to be with me, and sometimes i still have this very problem, (i sometimes think i'm the perfect person and i'm such an idiot) lol

in my head i don't usually fantasize about THEM being perfect and making my life better, or ME making them better,
 what i do, what i do, is i realize the great things about them, FACTS AND OPINIONS I HOLD about the two of us (in question) and I COMBINE THEM, I COMBINE them, to make scenarios that are quite ideal.

and usually no one can really deny this ha.

even them.

which is why they do. and they run, and they get VERY DEFENSIVE. which is why i believe my views are even more valid because I have the original feelings and scenarios which are evidence to base them off of.

every time something like this happens.

it happens in same way. (MY INTELLECTUAL PROPERTY)

girl moves to a city
girl meets boy
girl hangs out with boy as friends
girl makes suggestion that they might have feelings

boy gets confused

boy gets a fake girlfriend

girl cries

girl gets VERY ANGRY

GIRL DEMANDS THE TRUTH

boy says it "just happened"

girl cries

boy hugs girl

girl pushes boy away

girl pushes everyone away

boy dumps fake girlfriend

fake girlfriend starts rumors about boy and girl

boy starts BEING VERY MEAN TO GIRL

boy calls girl on the phone and apologizes

GIRL DOES NOT ACCEPT APOLOGY

GIRL TELLS BOY TO GO TO HELL

GIRL HANGS UP ON BOY

boy distances himself

girl spends many hours alone wondering what boy is doing

boy spends many hours having fun with guy friends

boy texts girl "r u ok?"

girl texts boy "what do u think?"

boy texts "idk"

girl says "me neither"

boy says "oh"

girl says "r u ok?"

boy says (being VERY SMART, TOUGH, MANLY, AND JUST VERY COOL ALL AROUND) "no"

girl says (being VERY AGREEABLE AND VERY NICE AND SWEET) "i'm sorry"

boy says (being VERY HOPEFULLY HONEST AND NOT A CHEATER) "me too"

i'm not really sure what happens after that because usually what happens to me is that the boy starts to get really freaked out after we cuddle and almost have sex. he's afraid of love you know..

i think most guys in their 20's are afraid of love.

i think most girls in their 20's are afraid of love,

you know i don't think it really matters what gender you are. i think most people in their 20's are afraid of love.

BUT THIS IS TOTALLY MY LIFE STORY AND INVOLVES ACTUAL PEOPLE THAT I KNOW AND I OWN THIS AND I DO NOT WANT ANY VERSION OF THIS STORY ON TELEVISION OR YOUTUBE OR FAN FICTION OR ANYTHING UNLESS I PUT IT THERE OR GIVE MY PERMISSION IN WRITING.