yeah i suppose

that i'm just full of shit..
i love you and shit.
i'm a fucking psycho bitch who can't get over my delusions for more than an hour literally.

whatever.

i guess I'm just going to continue piecing together what happened after you said to me, "thank you for coming"

and i guess you aptly removed the line "thank you for inviting me"

because you didn't actually mean to?

it was sincerely an accident and you were legit mad that i was there and that i went into the bathroom and it was dramatic and corny and horrible

and just terrible all around for everyone

and i'm still not over it.

and it was not cool.

LIKE was the issue about the production for that movie because he ruined the bathroom scene for you?

it was dunZo.
 you thought you had creative control and he snatched it away.

ok well i will watch that other movie and give thanks

because i swear it is a good thing/

i just i wasn't thinking of it in relation to you.

or myself
i was thinking of it as like A COMEDY

in general
in relation to mass media.

so yeah I'm like not be comparative here and i wasn't being judge if that's what you thought.

i literally can't shut up you need to come here and

ok my fantasy is starting

you take the computer away quite forcefully

 and you have duct taped my mouth after you have told me to shut up but you change your mind because you realize that you DO IN FACT want to kiss me and you can't because there is duct tape on my mouth and i'm beneath you on this bed and you have basically just started booming like a full body weight on top of me after you took away the computer and you were mad because either i was typing SO LOUDLY (true past relationship with my ex)
or i wouldn't shut up in real life (true past relationship with my ex)

all this fantasy shit is made up though except for my loud typing and the argument about me typing in the middle of the night and then me talking on the phone

see you are trying to sleep (or my ex boyfriend was)

ANYWAYS
i don't want to be with him i want to be with you

so you rip the duct tape off and you touch my lips with your finger as you stare me in the eyes


and you tell me sweet somethings not sweet nothings because there's absolutely no point in this story if it means nothing

anyways you move in for the kiss which is difficult for you and i can tell on camera (if this is something you choose to do on camera)
anyways i mean i'd really rather you do this to me for real but i mean if you really need to just do this on camera then just do it

but whatever

i'll just keep going with my story

so you lean in and then i kiss you back and we are fully clothed and so i just am sort of having a make out session with you

and YOU are the one who stops and YOU are the one who asks me a question and you apologize for telling me to shut up and you say

yeah i'm bipolar and i get it i don't really talk about my mental illness a lot because it makes me feel inferior but i am so there and then you curl up on the other side of the bed "ashamed of your admission"

 and then i come over and massage your shoulders and this clearly affects you as the camera is facing you

and then basically i tell you that everything is fine and all is forgiven and i will always love you

and there is just nothing you can do to make me change my mind because we are both very stubborn and i already knew you were bipolar

(i don't really know if you are bipolar this is just my fantasy)

anyways i do KNOW that you are stubborn

anyways we like cuddle hug and kiss and then popcorn MAGICALLY just appears out of nowhere with some old fashioned disney smoke and we just start watching tv and laughing and we are still clothed in the bed and

we whisper things into each others ears

and we just laugh and it's a black and white mickey mouse original

and we are just so happy it's gross

and we are throwing popcorn into each other's mouths and skunk randomly hops onto the bed and makes himself VERY comfortable and then NOAH appears and is like oh i live here too and then the weirdest thing happens HAROLD comes out from under the bed and is just looking at you like MEOW???

 and so like

it's the next scene and we are in the kitchen and we are talking about a party or dinner party or cultural event that involve us and our mutual friends who lead drama filled lives who i assume are "girls"

and so

the animals are just wandering around the kitchen and we are just living a kitchen scene similar to many previous "girly" kitchen scenes but it's just you and i

and we are eating like tomatoes and like mozzarella and hummus and like some sort of celery and like weird middle eastern dishes maybe like some indian food or something idk but the hummus is definitely there. i'm definitely eating a stick of celery with my hummus and it's very obvious and you are like, "so do you like the hummus?" and i'm like, "are you joking, of course i like your hummus!"
and of course i know that this will become a future inside joke if we ever meet because i will tease you about this for a long time.
and a funny thing that could happen which is like my nephews trademark is that he takes my glasses off my face without even like asking (he's 3) and like tries them on... and like i think that the specific glasses that you wore in the previous episode would look good on MR and so

i think that it would be funny if she just like yanked them off your face while you were reading the paper or something and you're just like, "what the hell?" and she's like, "you know we have the same prescription!" and you are like ," you need to get your own glasses..." and she just says, "but i just like wearing your glasses better though. i mean do they look good on me A?" and you just smile and kiss her in your glasses.

i think that would be very relatable.
and you need to bring the toothbrush back

because what will happen if you film this is

MR if you are a future couple that really exists -though she said she chose no one, she can't stay alone forever... she will go back to you eventually because you will end up the only single character.

and she is happy with you and you haven't explored your relationship to her.

SO....
you will live together and it would be like old times but this time IT IS different for her because she is thinking about being serious and you aren't

i mean A not you...

anyways

so she is testing waters with you by borrowing your boxers and your t shirts and your toothbrush.

not the one you chew all day - that's too far over the line, but she takes your regular toothbrush and she lost hers and she is like brushing her teeth with it.

and you are like kind of possessive about your toothbrushes.

if you had lost that yellow one, you would take the one you had at home and it would be your new reg tb.

and so now she is like well i need it and there is a stupid pointless argument about toothbrushes and so MR has a panic attack and somebody gets called to go to the drugstore (Hannah) to buy toothbrushes and bring them to the apartment.

and like she wants to share everything with you and be with you all the time.. i mean she's the one paying the rent and she's buying your clothes and she's buying the food so she feels entitled

you secretly like this
her controlling your life but it does occasionally get stifling which is WHEN my fantasy gets called in.

so i literally think this is good and i'm proud of this and i didn't work hard on this at all.
literally it just popped into my head and i think that is what art is supposed to do and i think that is what MR needs to explain to the world. whether you are there or not.

but i'd really like to see a throwback smile at one point not the point of homicide but like i'm gonna get you adam and you're not going to know what hit you because i'm the A around here and like you don't matter in MR's head... i'll fight to the death for her and what you don't know is that he already moved on.

so it will just be funny

and i can really tell that you actually wrote part of that and i commend you on that.
i can feel your writing coming through even if it's just like a line suggestion or an action or something like i can feel that was him and not someone else saying that sometimes.
i have lost complete track of time and i have no idea what day it is i just know it's january 2016.
i don't remember like when we met or like what month it was or what year it was i thought it was 4 years ago but  maybe it was only 3.
i'm very confused.

xo