memories of the past

it's not that i forgot about you.

it's just that i've been so self-involved

i wasn't thinking about you (l.d.)

and your grand humongous body of works

because

well,

i was distracted.

but you just generate this innocent vibe even though that's very far from what you are

that i'm aware

and you see,

i just never though you'd be interested in tolerating in being in the same room as girl like me

and i had proof of the other

but you

it's just that you seemed untouchable

so it was just like

well it was pointless to even think about it at this point

but when i was psycho loony bin

i had these like.... premonitions

and i believe they were sent to me by the Lord himself

and i'm not making this up

i saw signs of the future

and these things have actually come to pass

and i met a "fat kid" named jack

and well

he was like mix of you two

it's really crazy

his personality everything

i would whisper his name in the middle of the night and he knew i was calling out to him

and he would meet me in the hallway

and we would sit together on the cold tile floor

and he would pretend he had superpowers

he rubbed his hands together to make heat

and touched mine

and he asked me, "can you feel that"?

and i was like yeah.... i can

that's amazing i wish that i could do that

haha

of course i was crazy at the time so i thought it was unreal

but other times i was there

and in the tv room there was a coffee cup spilled on the floor and there were ants dead, all around it.

and i thought my hair had super powers or something

that's like a whole other story

anyways it was magnetic

so i touched my hair to the ants

and they would come alive again.

i could raise them from the dead

people don't believe me about this stuff

also

jack he told me not to touch him it was so funny

and then i would touch him

and i would start cracking up

and then he would touch me (all this happened while we were in line for blood pressure checks)

and i was like STOP TOUCHING ME
 and then he wouldn't eat lunch with me

and he would hold a grudge for like 2 minutes

he was an artist

a sketch artist

 that reminded me of you

we were always coloring and stuff

but he was actually a really good artist

but it was like he always knew what to talk to me about.
there was never an awkward silence.

and i realized.

maybe you are the one who is afraid of your reflection.

if i put myself in your shoes for more than 2 seconds i can see why.

but i can tell you, i'm not scared of you.

i mean you might startle me

you're just so dominating

and not what people expect.

that's exciting.

it keeps people on their toes.

i like watching your b reels

and archive footage

it's nice.

i don't think you are really on a high horse.

i don't.

i think, like me. you fell down the rabbit hole, but you just never really figured out reality.