so

apparently i've spent at least 32 hours of your time on that damn playlist.

i think when i reach 49
i'll be like zq2 if i think about it

1. because damn that's like way too much stuff on one list
2. because i can't guarantee you are like still looking at it.
3. it's got to be semi boring by now
4. even though like, i still like listen to it, i need like, more space to be pathetic at.
5. so i think like 49 hours is enough on one playlist

i just hope i don't like copy some of the "necessities onto the other playlist.

i want it to be completely separate.

and i really wish i was dreaming and sleeping right now and not awake being pathetic, thinking of your absence (eternal) from my life, and making a stupid playlist to describe how painful it is.

so like because like i discovered that the other "people's playlists"

were like WAY shorter than yours was
even though i had spent much more time in person with them and genuinely more time obsessing about them before i had met you

like, i can genuinely say that i had no expectation of what was going to happen when i met you.

so like

it was completely not thought or pre-planned.

i was just like ok wow he's going to be 5 hours away and i have the chance to be in the same room with him.

i should defiantly attempt to go
that might be exciting
i might get the opportunity to make myself known to him

OMG what if he hates me?
OMG what if he ignores me?

OMG what if i become his dirty slut because he's a famous person who uses people and feels like i'm a piece of shit... k well i'll cross that bridge if/when i do/don't come to it...

OMG what if he genuinely likes me?
i was least expecting that

i still don't know if you do

OMG what if i don't know what will happen after he leaves because of my regular history of understanding and obsessing of people.

well i didn't think i would have an intimate relationship with you that would LAST 4 YEARS.....
like how likely is that.
not very likely.