wow.

i'm thinking about that night.
that night when star trek played with the symphony.
were you there?

like i mean

you had a person i would most actually recognize and def want to be friendly with waiting by the door to tell you EXACTLY who i arrived with...

hahaha i'm such a retard.

did you think i would come alone?

i couldn't do that.

do you realize that i could have easily been like kidnapped or something if i had?

i have no one to go with

my parents are LITERALLY going out of town

I'm barely taking care of myself

I'm depressed so much
I'M SO EXCITED about this show

and literally it's the best experience i've like almost ever had in my life

and yet i have to block it out my mind

BC I LITERALLY GO TO IT WITH THE WORST DATE I HAVE EVER BEEN ON IN MY LIFE

my "so called date" realizes that you may actually legitimately have a crush on me so he like starts drinking at the bar and ruins the whole experience for me because he's a junkie and then he tries to like ask me to come back to his house and be his whore again and i'm like FUCK NO GREG WE ARE JUST FRIENDS and that was a friend date I HAD LITERALLY no one else to turn to you owed me a favor.

so i was not with him
i had literally no feelings for him

and he was desperate for sex, alcohol, and drugs

and he hated every second of that night

and i loved the performance and i felt alone and i should have just either NOT GONE AT ALL
or gone by myself and like

basically

idk been pathetic

but the point is

i didn't think that really meant anything to you

because the only thing he was

was a seat filler to me

and he was annoying me literally the whole time

and he was driving drunk

and i got lost downtown and he almost got in a wreck and we drove separate cars

and when  i thought about going home with him

like i think i did because i felt like shit after

i think he tried to RAPE ME AGAIN
and i fled
so it REALLY


didn't work out for me at all.


so...

that was my lovely experience.

i have to turn to previous rapists to be my horrible dates when i'm in trouble and i literally don't anymore and i'd rather just be with my parents

BC of that legitimately BULLSHIT experience.

that i LEGITIMATELY almost completely forgot about

and I didn't think you were there though I had sensed your presence

and i thought i was imagining things

because i looked for you everywhere

and i couldn't find you.

so

yeah


i really appreciate the free tickets.

if that was like a gift from you..

that was great.

i wish i had a better time because it wasn't your fault.

the mess i made was my fault not yours and i learned that maybe i shouldn't be so stupid and desperate and pathetic.

and what i should do....

is just like

idk pretend i have a life

which would be a lie

but you know maybe you'd at least stop worrying about me for 5 seconds possibly.