expectations

obviously

people have set tons of expectations for you

 i have just spent the last couple of minutes reading your insta comments.

people have set expectations for me too...
i mean I'm sure it's not EVEN CLOSE to the pressure you are experiencing on an hour to hour basis..

but i just want to encourage you a little.

i have no expectations for you.

you met them when i stared into your eyes the first time.

it wasn't the way you looked or the way you walked and i can't explain it but you just were the one for me

and maybe you don't like that

or maybe you do

but you were just "the one"

and i knew that and i know that people change

myself included

but i felt pressure to live up to your expectations

but right now i feel like you just want me to be happy

you want me to be alright

and life isn't perfect
and neither are you and that's ok and i know that.

i always KNEW that at some level.
i never thought you were perfect.

i thought you were a bit extreme maybe.

i think i'm extreme too.


i think if i'm bothering you, you should not come here.

but i want to encourage you to listen to yourself.

you are the one that knows your own thoughts

it's not me
it's not your mom or your family

it's not your fans or your co stars

it's not your people that you work with at your company

it's YOU

you are in charge of your life

it's not even your partner.

so if you want to be in a relationship with someone him, me, not be in a relationship at all, then you can take your precious time (though i may get annoyed lol) and you decide what is right for you!

i support you i honestly do.

you are so beautiful and
people listen to you but sometimes they confuse your attention for

AN AUDIENCE (myself included) and basically try to use you for their own devices.

people need to thank you for listening.

and you need to try to be as humble as you can be.
and thankful that you have this power over people.

but also be afraid of it because

it can go away

and it can be misused

so protect it and listen to it

and make sure you listen to your heart and your mind

and any other people that you need to listen to.

you will always be an important part of my life i decided.

you can block me.
you can push me away.

but i will always be here for you.

you can show up unexpectedly out of the blue if you need a hug and i will be here like a big teddy bear and you can just cry in my arms and i will not judge you and i will keep it a big secret.

because i'm not judging or critiquing you

i think that you are a beautiful person with so much love to give and
we all get turned around sometimes and that include me ESPECIALLY me

and sometimes i just get focused so focused on the negatives in my life i just can't see what's right in front of me.

so if you do see my value (which at one point in time i cannot deny that you did) thank you.
 i needed that and i still do

i always will from you.

you have totally changed my life course and path and my journey is headed in a different direction because of you.

so thank you.

i'm so glad because i was headed nowhere fast and i didn't see any value in myself.

and now i do.

i am worth something.

sometimes if you just smile at someone (YOUR SMILE)

it means the world to them.

they feel important.

leading them on too far is too much for a lot of people and they think they have a chance at "fame" or friendship or love or something else riches glory or whatever.

i don't want fame or glory or even riches.

i want what i need and i need love.
so that's what i want.

so i mean, i probably have that power too and i should use it more often but i'm afraid.
it's scary and maybe you know how that feels.

but once you get over that fear that day you feel amazing and you just have this rush.

it feels good.

you don't feel full of yourself.

you just feel full of life and you gave someone the help they needed that day.

that's nice.

i wish i was in a place where i could do that more often.

sometimes i just grimace because of my mental state and i probably have ruined people's moods too many times to count.

but you have helped me see that without even speaking to me.

through my delusional love for you.

which is crazy.

but helpful.

but i admit i don't have an expectation you will "come through" but i want more.
i want more than a flower.

i want more than a question.

and maybe that's selfish.

but i feel (maybe this is wrong)

that we would just work so well together as a team of some sort

and i want that

very much.

so maybe i'm not worthy of you

and maybe i'm a problem

and maybe i'm just a very confusing thing

i exist

and you exist

we both exist

and i really don't want to manipulate you ever

and i haven't tried that i remember.

so,
i really just want to know the real you.

xo