if you ever wonder

why i have this blog or for the simple fact - why i actually have SO MANY internet accounts IN GENERAL and why i have six or SEVEN blogs it's for days like this.

i can't talk to anyone in RL.

BUT I CAN'T SHUT UP online.

I AM SO LOUDLOUDLOUDLOUDLOUDLOUDLOUDLOUD.
and i just can't stop.

i can't be quiet.

i am just going going going going.

see i was manic for months and now i'm about to become VERY depressed possibly.

and i need someone to listen.

my body is shutting down.

my mind is skipping.

skipping.

what?

like that.

i really hope i'm in control - mission control needs to be clear for landing because i don't want to crash into HONG KONG.

the left side of my nose is dry and cracked and the right side feels fine.


it's like my entire nervous system is sending every pain sensor to my left side of my nose.

HELP it's calling

don't touch me

wait

gross is there something in there
no it was a false alarm

ARE YOU KIDDING me?

yo take a shower you are dirty you lazy scumbag.

NO I'm so tired i'll do it LATERRRRR.

right now christa you need to shower.

i don't want to stand up i'm too tired

then sit down...

then i will fall asleep

and possibly either be grossed out by my nakedness or end up drowning in my shower

or i will fall down and  slip and things will end badly

people don't understand that i have #showerthoughts BEFORE I GET IN THE SHOWER.

#showerproblems

take a bath then

NO THE PIPES ARE RUSTED AND THE WATER IS DIRTY BROWN

get in the other bath no i will fall asleep in there and it's too steep

STOP COMPLAINING

like i need some sort of mental help i'm about to take a klonopin thank you Jesus.

i really want to watch some of your new material mr.

can you like speed that process up a bit for some completed stuff.

i understand that there is an entire season of something you might have really wished i would just go ahead and watch and you have really no idea how close i have come to watching that over and over just like SHOULD I OR NO?
and like really the answer is that i just don't want to give up on my fantasy

so just i want to be clean obviously when i cuddle and watch it with you no matter how you see me.
and i want to smell like the hollister cologne trademark smell
and i'm going to be wearing very comfortable clothes
and i'm going to be warm and snuggled by you.
and i'm not going to be creeped out by feet.


oh my gosh thanks klonopin you really helped me.

i wish i could help people.
by helping myself.
maybe i can.
maybe i can be better.

so i watched the first episode and dissected it.

BY NO MEANS HAVE YOU EVER MADE SOMETHING THAT didn't say something.
i have always appreciated your art.
and i think i'm going to tweet the episode on my twitter and i know you know it's me and as i've said on the twitter it's not you i'm hiding from.
so go ahead.
you can stay blocked from me and stay hidden that's fine but I'M not hiding. FROM YOU AT LEAST.
I'M HIDING FROM OTHER PEOPLE.
my life is not easy and don't assume that i have simple relationships because i'm not famous.
boundaries right?
well i can vent here.
i can vent there
and i can't vent on Facebook
so that's why.
if were you curious about why.
i know you don't understand because i don't understand either and i think "we should sit down and talk about this" lol
so i'm going to go there now and explain my real reactions from an anon account.
i was TRYING to be anon on tumblr but thanks so much for like deleting my account?
that's so great.
you know what?

i had released my medical records to you at hazard and i will give you access to anything, if you only ask.

just have the courage to ask and not take without permission.
but i understand these episodes were mostly from you perspective and you pretty much had the right to the intellectual property because you were there but there were a couple of things that were my property which i will attempt to explain from anon which i think you will understand. so come with me and i will watch the episode AGAIN. :) but i'm not going to watch the second episode yet because none of those events have happened yet

like what i understand is that the first episode was WHAT "WE WISHED" happened from both of our perspectives told from different characters view points and then it goes a little into the future because it needs to to explain some of the online occurrences that were like "semi-fantasy"

so here i go publish