so i'm guessing

that it might have taken you a lot more time to process what actually happened.

like you might still be processing it.

i know this, BECAUSE i am still processing it.

rn.

but i don't think we would be if like i supposedly got into a hit and run (which by the way never happened)

i think everything would just be a lot simpler if we just explained this to ourselves by admitting that i'm mentally ill and instead of explaining this through secret code like we've been doing we actually tell the true story of what happened, and like HERE AND NOW CHRISTA SLOAN GIVES PERMISSION FOR HER CHARACTER TO BE USED BUT DOES NOT GIVE PERMISSION FOR HER NAME TO BE USED and she definitely does not give permission for you to have "creative licensing with her actual person/ persona" if you use me, you tell the truth about your perspective of what happened doing as much research necessary to be as accurate and honest as possible with name changes and adding as few characters as necessary in order to tell the story

that is if you want to tell the story.

so if you feel the need to tell the story i don't know why you didn't approach me a long time ago.

what you think i'm going to say no?

why would a person like me say no to that opportunity...

just like think about that for a second...

i get the opportunity to show proof to everyone that my story is true.

my emotional battle is real,, i have a valid reaction and i'm really going through some confusing times right now

i'm an artist.

whatever


but i mean there are some things that would have to be added on your side of the story to make it more interesting and it would have to be like obviously told from your perspective...

i think it might be interesting for me and for you for the camera to be looking at my character when you look at me...

so when you look at me, i look straight at the camera, and like, if i was to be typing something it would be the camera basically directly looking at the text not looking at you looking at it almost always unless it was like a  phone or something (which like we don't text... anyways

also i don't think this story should be basically centered around me.

because it's not my life story that i'm telling.

if you ever tell that you will have to get to know me and my family a lot better and you will have to have conversations and look at pieces of my past and i will have to go meet my cousins in georgia and stuff.

not saying that i want a piece to be made about me at all.

i'm just saying i've been watching all this stuff and it FEELS like you really want to tell this story.

it FEELS like this really matters to you.
and i maybe would know more if i knew what happened at your broadway shows.

obviously i haven't read the glass menagerie yet so i mean i was just like you know i can't do it.
i mean i have no idea what your plans
are

i don't have any plans.

maybe that is what really bothers you about me.

MY INTENTION at this moment if i could have anything right now would be for you to call me and announce your intentions.
if you have them.

see i have noticed like this really interesting pattern.

i start like coming up with ideas, brainstorming "being pretty specific"

and then like i forget all about my ideas a couple of months later obVIOUSLY

and then like all of a sudden there is an announcement for your "new project'

which i'm def excited about

and  then all of a sudden i get really sick or something

i've fallen ill

which is legit

and then i finally watch it

and i'm putting together the pieces which is very difficult

and then like idk i am like

wow....
and nobody believes me.

but just so i can be completely clear it's not a sugarcoated hollow act and i'm not like being fake
and i may be VERY MANIPULATIVE
that's true.

but i do pretty much speak the truth like 99.9% of the time.
i may twist it to my advantage but like you know...
everybody does so i think i have like
an excuse?

idk

i would just like you to find like one more "REALER" person than me that you LEGITIMATELY have real feelings for and they are beautiful and amazing and i believe it.

no i don' want to challenge you i think you would win

but i mean for real

i don't think that you would easily be able to do that..

it's not about resentment.

i don't resent you for your relationship
i resent you for not talking to me

i can just hear you so loudly quietly muttering this out loud processing this.

xo