i think i want to go back

to the mental hospital.

i mean obviously i'm just making shit up now.

i'm a paranoid jungle freak

no one cares about me

nobody needs me

and no one is there to say, "i do, i need you..."

and when i go to the hospital
the only people that visit me are my parents.

you know i don't usually think the grass is greener on the other side,

i convince myself of this universal truth.

that i know things and that that is comforting

and other people just lie to themselves to make themselves feel better.

therapists have tried to get me to do that.

and i won't.

i am strong.

i want to know the truth no matter how terrible.

i mean people get PTSD because of that crap
the truth.

maybe i have it.

i mean i doubt it

but i've been through some traumatic stuff

i'm not supposed to wish i was anyone else, somewhere else, and pretending things that aren't true.

but right now.

my parents basically leaving me for dead basically

i wish i could.

without my guilt trip starting as soon as i  do.

xo