one of the things i love so much

about you

is that you can almost pull of anything
like a cheesy line
something so corny

and you can make it so SERIOUS

that's incredibly hard

i mean maybe i would laugh if i was there
i don't know
i wonder about that a lot

if i was with you

and i was having this serious moment

and i was enjoying it

and i wanted to be serious

like, if you did something corny and sensitive and you were crying and opening your heart to me....
like how would i take that?

because i could hardly stand like 4 seconds of it before i ran away.

you know normally i'm the one people run away from.

i'm the sensitive earnest person who bears their soul to people and they just say

Christa, i think you need to get checked out because i don't think you are making sense right now.

 and i don't think they say that because i'm not making sense.

they say that because they can't physically or emotionally take it

and they literally don't have the guts to admit that i'm right and tell me the truth - I can't handle you.

so here i am now.
alone.
by myself.

and anytime i want a friend i have to be at least 50% fake.

you know but i see you and i think

he has like 100 billion percent more emotional depth than me and he bares himself and
almost all of it to the world and he's happy or sad
or confused

and maybe not everyone is like me

able to see it

because it is hard to see and believe or take

i do understand.

people are scared of that honesty.

you know but i see that and i think he's a kindred spirit he knows what i'm going through and like
maybe i like his friends but while they can act all they want like they know really know what he's talking about they are full of shit which is the exact reason that the probability is high that he thinks that this random texas girl is full of shit because what claim on you do i really have.

nothing at all.