i just want

to slap my mother in the face

but i won't

i am keeping my emotions in i guess

i'm not being physically violent.

i'm treating people as i would like to be treated..

but you know she's not doing that to me.

she spent the entire day out and about and i woke up alone in my home.

there was no food

and im scared to use any heating equipment including the toaster
or knives

because of what i might choose to do

i considered drinking alcohol and taking some pills

i did not.

i also did not tell my parents that i was considering that because i really think because i made the decision in my mind not to do that that that means i really don't need to be hospitalized

but it does mean that i shouldn't really be left alone

and it means that i can't prepare food

and i went hungry

and my mom "offered to give me some leftovers from several days ago"

a storebought chicken and some stuffing and greenbean casserole

i'll pass

all i've eaten today are some doritos and some coffee and water.

i feel very shitty.