ahah

soo

this is a real thing now?

this isn't imaginary?

no one believes my "story"

i'm just a "crazy person"

i'm "delusional"

i am manic

my psychiatrist wants to make me go on more medication because i'm too "talkative and chatty"

hmmm.

i wonder if he were in my shoes if he would be "talkative and chatty"

lol

i'm just laughing right now...

i'm literally THE ONLY person who knows what is really happening.

today i had a conversation with my mom...

i'm like showing her evidence of the tweets and Facebook stuff

and she's like
Christa, I believe it's real for you.
It's just not real for me.

and I was just like ,MOM, it's real FOR EVERYONE.

lol

omg

like i was like, do you really think it's that unlikely that i would find a kindred spirit in a fellow artist?

she was like no, i don't i think you could...

and i was like... I DID!

and she was like, well why isn't he here?

and i was like.

MOM,
i don't know EVERYTHING.


have you heard of the law of attraction?

and she was like, no?

and i was like, do you know how i like almost always get whatever i want no matter what and everyone accuses me of being selfish and "right" all the time?

like, Christa, why do you just have to be RIGHT?

and i'm just like i don't.

it's the law of attraction.

I BELIVE in something.

and therefore, it is true.

i think, therefore i am..
the more people that believe my truth, the more true it becomes.

the more i want something, the more specific i am,

the more real it is.

and she's like rolling her eyes.

she just has no faith in me at all.

it's like.

no person of actual worth could love me.

well, i don't believe  that/

i'm special i 'm unique
i'm fun when i'm not being threatened or antagonized

and i'm smart

i have creative ideas

and i'm like one of a kind

and people that recognize this are either jealous or want me in their life

or they are intimidated.

and i guess my mom just sees me as a threat.

and i feel sorry for her.

she can't EXPERIENCE life.

people think that about me all the time

i'm stuck here in this house.

but me?

i have had more life experience than most people have in their entire lives. thus far.

xo