it's inevitible

death.

hopefully i won't kill anyone.

including myself.

but love.

that's what is important in life.

the bravest thing you can do is love.

i wanted you to visit me.

i wanted you to pick me up.

i wanted you to catch me when i fall.

i wanted you to find me.

you are still the most important thing to me.

i thought.

what if i didn't wait forever...

what would that be like.

but after last nights events and watching girls tonight.

i realized...

it's inevitable.

i love you and there's nothing you can do to stop me from loving you.

you can do drugs.

you can have ocd.

you can lie on public television.

you can journey to south american to be "healed by some bullshit shamaan"

you can pretend to care about people you hardly know to do god knows what

and you can make money off my ideas without giving anything back.

and i can go for the rest of my life without any attention from you (that is not a challenge)

i'm so weak.

i'm so tired.

my mind is so exposed.

and my body is lonely as is the rest of me.

i want to be faithful.

yes.

i love other people from my past.

and you can cuss me out and you can literally do anything in the book to make me look stupid and push me away i don't care.

i love you.

i'm brave.

i'm not going to kill anyone.

if i was going to kill anyone it would have already happened.

but it hasn't and i decided i'm not going to.

i have big plans.

and they involve dreaming big and being happy and you and i and maybe other people too

but i can't be happy forever without you.

there is no i in team.

and i want a team.

and there is no us without you.

and i'm a me.

i don't want to be a me.

i want to be an us.

or a them.

i mean i saw how one day affected you

imagine if i acted like that for years.

or weeks.

I AM IN LOVE WITH YOU..

I BELIEVE IN US.

WE WILL FIND HOPE.


i don't care about your misdirection or your bad choices.

i am here for you and i will be here for you until your death.

so please.

choose me.

be with me.

come to me.

i'm not asking you to leave anything behind.

i'm just asking you to contact me.

i'm asking you to tell me you care.

i don't care if life pushes back

or you are scared and this is the first time you've ever been scared.

let me tell you something.

I'M not scared of this.

i'm scared of freddy vs jason

i'm scared of bugs and snakes and stuff

i bet you aren't scared  of that

i was scared when you jumped me by surprise.

i bet you were scared when i jumped you by surprise.

let's stop jumping each other by surprise because i want this to work and if it really matters to you you've got to stop making it scary.

i'm not scared of you bugging my phone or creating a fake account

or you cheating on me

if it was an accident

i'm not scared of changing

because of love

and i'm not scared of deep conversations and long distances

and crying over the phone because we can't immediately be together.

i'm not scared of that.

i'm scared of this never beginning.

i'm scared that you don't care at all

i'm scared that you are using me because i'm a little toy to you

you and i are scared of different things just like we love in different ways and if you want me to love you the way you want me to love you.

then you have GOT to be open enough to start a friendly conversation.

i can't just keep exchanging small words with you on words with friends.

i mean if you need to just send me a message on twitter, then create a twitter account and tell me you are zachary and dm me, and i will have no evidence that it's you i'll just know it's you.

for real.

PLEASE JUST TRUST IN THE UNIVERSE.

i know that i might be scary.

you know no one believes me.

i think my therapist believes me.

but i don't think anyone else believes me.

i think you believe me.

i think you believe me about everything.

and you know what the only thing i want from you is love.

what love gives you, is free access is my ideas.

i know that you value them.

i don't think you would lie to me about your love for me just so that you could have my ideas.

i think you really care.

if you didn't care, everyone would know who i was for 15 minutes.

and then i would just be gone with the wind.