ahah

soo

this is a real thing now?

this isn't imaginary?

no one believes my "story"

i'm just a "crazy person"

i'm "delusional"

i am manic

my psychiatrist wants to make me go on more medication because i'm too "talkative and chatty"

hmmm.

i wonder if he were in my shoes if he would be "talkative and chatty"

lol

i'm just laughing right now...

i'm literally THE ONLY person who knows what is really happening.

today i had a conversation with my mom...

i'm like showing her evidence of the tweets and Facebook stuff

and she's like
Christa, I believe it's real for you.
It's just not real for me.

and I was just like ,MOM, it's real FOR EVERYONE.

lol

omg

like i was like, do you really think it's that unlikely that i would find a kindred spirit in a fellow artist?

she was like no, i don't i think you could...

and i was like... I DID!

and she was like, well why isn't he here?

and i was like.

MOM,
i don't know EVERYTHING.


have you heard of the law of attraction?

and she was like, no?

and i was like, do you know how i like almost always get whatever i want no matter what and everyone accuses me of being selfish and "right" all the time?

like, Christa, why do you just have to be RIGHT?

and i'm just like i don't.

it's the law of attraction.

I BELIVE in something.

and therefore, it is true.

i think, therefore i am..
the more people that believe my truth, the more true it becomes.

the more i want something, the more specific i am,

the more real it is.

and she's like rolling her eyes.

she just has no faith in me at all.

it's like.

no person of actual worth could love me.

well, i don't believe  that/

i'm special i 'm unique
i'm fun when i'm not being threatened or antagonized

and i'm smart

i have creative ideas

and i'm like one of a kind

and people that recognize this are either jealous or want me in their life

or they are intimidated.

and i guess my mom just sees me as a threat.

and i feel sorry for her.

she can't EXPERIENCE life.

people think that about me all the time

i'm stuck here in this house.

but me?

i have had more life experience than most people have in their entire lives. thus far.

xo

hey

j...chas.

maybe you don't like me.

i'm sorry if that's true..
because really i don't think i have really done anything to you

at least not directly..

 i didn't criticize you that i remember.

and i think you are a great actress.

to me.

i just...

i don't trust you.

and that is because.

i am not your fan.

and the reason for that.

is because i really don't like crime dramas.

but i did really like amvy

that was fantastic

you were the best.

and you deserve from me personally

praise for that role.

because i think you really did exceptionally well.

but if you have been following along the whole time.

please stop i beg you.

because this is my life.

and i don't follow your life.

and i am not provoking or attacking you.

so please don't do that to me..

thank you.

p.s. you were really stellar that one time too.

oh yeah i never "helped" you.

also i'm not typecasting you either.

i want to be

what you need me to be

but there's only so much of my heart

that i can give.

xo

i guess i'll just keep generating

genius material

and you can just

idk keep

thinking you guys are awesome

and i'll be over
here

alone

and the only thing i want is to be together

that's really all i care about

i'm just a sucker

and i don't really care

i just want you to appreciate me

i want to be with you(s)

and i'm just alone

by myself

knowing that you are reading this stupid crap

and you are laughing at me

and it's not funny.

i don't think it's funny.

my solution "climate change... problem"

l.d.

take this :)

here you go

some ideas

dams == power

treadmills -- power

windmills -- power

clean energy

wind turbines -- power

let's use this power to light our homes

run our cars

develop ethanol -- for backup

for trains planes boats
cars

use that famous car or whatever's technology and use it in today's models and just like

make it less expensive

create jobs

whatever

water -- power

waves currents -- power

rivers  -- power

all of this -- power

battery storage -- clean reusable batteries

collect light from lightning??? don't know how to do that i'm not a scientist

i'm sure it can be done -- lightbulbs

storage

those like um sun collector energy things are really expensive

develop a way to make them less expensive because power will be a lot less expensive

mm.

so overpopulation that's a problem..

basically distribute contraception

DEFUND planned parenthood

let gay people adopt babies that stupid teenagers have

create a better education system

mental health awareness

allow people to use guns if they have a license

wallah.

problem... solution.

water -- clean water use heat in the rainforest to basically clean the water

and then bring it back to wherever they have dirty water.

peace love yeah

sometimes i wonder

if you think i'm lying to you

because you think a girl like me

just could not exist

SURPRISE

i do...

i'm telling the truth....

i guess i am so similar to you

"apparently"

because i was exposed to the media from such a young age.

and i soaked it up like a sponge

i had the worst dream

it was nightmare

i was supposed to be running around this arena like an indian

i guess it was an "expose"

but the director or some crap

wanted me to expose myself a lot more than i was expecting.

and i was arguing saying that it wasn't necessary.

i'm not sure what the actual outcome was.

questions

are you a "virgin"

if you are "virgin" i would be honored

i mean obviously this is me talking metaphorically here since i again have absolutely no proof that you actually want me

i'm pretty much totally inexperienced and i pretty much learned everything i know from crappy
abusers and true blood and that's basically the same thing anyways

so basically i'm just letting you know i could be the worst lay you've ever had

i'm not embarrassed about that all

sex isn't really that important to me

are you a romantic

do you know if you are?

i am

i want someone who is going to take the time to make grand gestures

and not like financial ones

like "example" buy a whole bunch of m'ms and make sure there are no brown ones in a huge jar

that's just an example i don't actually care if i eat brown m'ms

are you jealous and territorial?

i'm not really until you start flirting with people

if i can tell you are romantically interested in someone else or someone from your past i will get territorial and jealous

i'm a loyal person

i will try to make things work

i've been cheated on many times and i have only broken up with one person

and it was a mistake

not that it's a regret

it was a life experience that i learned from

well actually i broke up with the two rapists i had sex with

they don't really count though because one drugged me to have sex with me

and the other one slapped me

so i think i had a reason to break up with them

i will not tolerate physical abuse

i'm not into s & m

i don't like pain

i'm not turned on at all by eating humans

i enjoy finding weaknesses and exploiting them and turning them into a romantic thing.

it's difficult

it's emotional

and i hope someone does it to me

romantically

which is not what is happening now

i like to wear the pants

unless i'm with someone who i enjoy letting wear the pants

llllll yeah i think that person could wear the pants a lot

if they were part of the scenario

part of me is very strong.

part of me is very weak

i shall not be exploited by others that i do not love.

if i am, i may never forgive the guilty parties.

and i will stop at nothing to find out what happened.

but remember i'm very lenient.

i will do everything in my power to find out the truth.

and if i learn the truth of the situation.

it doesn't matter my pain.

i may still forgive you an unlimited number of times.

you may gain immunity or something

unless you hit me or rape me.

it would take a lot of time for me to let something like that go.

but remember. i've been through it before.

and i've forgiven them before.

so there's actually almost nothing you can do to me that i won't forgive you for.

but if you abuse my forgiveness i will know.

and so will Jesus.