if i were going to

look in the pensieve

and purposefully draw out one memory

to experience again

i don't know if i could really choose just one

there are so many i'd love to repeat

but not change

i'd just like to feel them again

over and over

the exact same way

i don't have regrets

i don't want to be on a different path

but i'm so sad

i'm so freaking sad

and i can't blame anyone

i think it's just a phase

i want to blame you but i can't do that to you

i don't own you

i have no ties to you though i would really love to claim you

you never called

you never wrote

you never asked me for anything

so no

even though i feel connected to you

and you are my other half

and half of me is missing

and i know what you are thinking

i can't do that to you

i can't blame you for my situation

i'm not your problem

i'm in this mess

and it's mine to clean up

and no one loves me

and i suppose i am just unlovable

i mean obviously

you didn't show me love though i have admitted about a thousand times that i love you

and i spent $100 on your present

and my dad yelled at me and he took it away

and i never gave it to you
i never got the chance

he said, "if he comes around here and treats you like a lady i'll give it back to you and you can give it to him"

and i was heartbroken.

because i couldn't even hang on to it

all i have is my coke and a pin

i won't even open the pin

it's on my bookshelf

and i won't drink the coke

you have no idea how many times i just wanted to drink it

and i have the show

i wanted to watch it but i made a promise that i would wait

however long it took

no one cared anyways

i tried to date my ex

and it worked for like 2 weeks

he was the first guy i took to my ranch

and we have SO MUCH in common

and i make him laugh and i make him feel so much

i make him cry

and he doesn't like it

he wants to live a simple life working at chicken express banging chicks

we didn't have sex

i don't think that we still have the same physical chemistry that we once had

that's very hard to find.

you have to take weeks to work up to it

the perfect moment

you can't just rush into things

and i have been waiting years for you to just CALL

i feel like you despise me

you resent me

you can't talk to me

you have all these emotions you don't want to work out and confront

you love to lie to yourself

i mean i don't know that but it seems that way

you hate that i make you feel things real things

you'd rather just watch the kardashians and ignore what's inside

complain to your therapist about your daily stress

and just be happy go lucky

have no problems whatsoever.

i wish i could do that.

i envy you.

you're so lucky you can get by that way

how happy you must be

feeling normal.

agreeing with everyone,

how nice.

what an enjoyable party.

how nice you must get invited to so many parties and events.

everyone loves you because you just go along with everything they say to you.

i've always wished i could do that.

i cause scenes.

i make a commotion.

i embarrass people.

i'm not a daisy.

i'm not even a sunflower.

i'm a goddamn like

fuckin.

tulip.

cherry blossom or some shit.

i'm a bonsai tree.

no

i'm a friggin california redwood

the truth is no matter how many times i will tell you i'm fuckin done.

i'm not done.

this isn't over.

it's not ever going to be over.

it's not even over WHEN you say it's over.

it will never ever be OVER.

and i have to deal with that.

because eternity is a long fuckin time.

and i'm not placing a label on this,

i'm not saying like kiss me fuck me love me or whatever.

i'm not saying friends or whatever

i'm just saying

connection

you me and him.

bang.

xo

I THINK...

that maybe YOU are being a little unreasonable.

i upload my pictures for you directly to instagram.

i don't put them on facebook.

if i wanted to make a statement to you,

trust me it would have been directed here.

or there.

all i can remember right now

i think it was sigourney weaver

she said

no matter what

you don't rat out your friends...

and that really meant something to me.

because i always used to do that.

but i won't.


so go ahead dipshit.

walk all over me

turn me into a martyr

i know who will go down as the innocent party.

my beautiful life

MY BEAUTIFUL LIE

GOD

did you PLAN this?

MISS SLOANE?

are you a fucking dildo?

what gives you the right to take someone who resembles me

and acts very SIMILAR to me

to portray someone with ALMOST THE EXACT SAME NAME AS MY SISTER

also who happens to be a real person which I SUPPOSE IS YOUR KEY TO MAKING THIS LEGAL

and just ALLOW YOURSELF TO FUCK WITH MY BRAIN EVERY FUCKING DAY

you are not a saint

you are the villain in this story

and I DO GIVE A SHIT

and it KILLS ME

that i do.

I WANT YOU TO STOP THIS BULLSHIT

i never said you didn't have the power
i never said that you weren't better than me

i never said ANY of that


COOL you have friends in the hot seat

CONGRATULATIONS TO YOU.

please call off this project because i will be forced to watch it and I WILL BE ANGRY.

I AM TRYING TO BE HELPFUL

I AM TRYING TO BE HONEST

i am not a fucking saint

i'm not a preist
and i'm not an angel

i'm a fucking crazy bitch and my head is not screwed on right

and if i were a character in what's eating gilbert grape I WOULD BE ARNIE no offense to him.


the struggle is real.

so can we STOP

because I AM TAKING THIS VERY PERSONALLY.

and i know you are trying to get in my head.

and this would be a lot easier to go through if we were holding hands.

I AM PISSED

I'm suicidal

and i'm not right in the head
i crave death

and i want it very badly

i'm alone

i'm scared

and i hate life

without you

i don't really care about the movie

the thing i care about is WHY ARE YOU DOING THS TO ME?

THIS isn't art

it's not.

it's provoking a crazy person

to the last fucking straw.

i cannot be over you..

in fact if you were here right now

i'd do the bed push and i'd make out with you until you bleed mother fucker.

xo

why going to the mental hospital is a good idea

it allows you to explore your wild side without feeling judged by anyone except the nurses

it allows you to explore your dark side and your light side without really being in any danger

you can be anyone you want

you can morph

you can forget

you don't have to comply

it's all in good fun if you have the insurance and time and money

you learn something new every time

you can make temporary connections that are very meaningful

you learn to be very resourceful

you become very humble

the improbable theory of ana and zak

it may have a lot in common with  you and i

but it wasn't written about you and i

vulcan sex

so i've imagined several possibilities and i've settled on this one

a sexy hot vulcan female has sex with spock.

this is how it's done....

LOGICAL forplay is enhanced

there is definite spock watching female vulcan clothing removal

bra stays on

underwear may or may not be removed it doesn't really matter because it's more of an emotive connection

spock sits against bed

vulcan "rides" on top of spock

they "mind meld" with each other while riding each other

and cry green blood from eyes

tears of joy

that's the orgasm

and it's happy

and sad

and one of the only ways a pure vulcan can feel anything so it's really intense

and exhausting

and spock is just like drugged afterwards

like he just smoked weed basically

and after there's not a lot of talking

or touching

it's mostly just green tears

and some kissing

and then rest

xo