i was confused

i met zachary at the premiere of breakup at a wedding

i was touched by the film

i thought it was hilarious

but i forgot most of what happened

and then i saw him again in pennsylvania and i had a panic attack and i couldn't focus on the film

i had a freakout in kentucky

i had really not watched the film sanely since the incident in kentucky

i watched the film tonight

and what happened to me

what i did

when i went crazy

were things that happened in the film

this could make someone like zachary think that i was doing these things for attention

i didn't do these things for attention

i didn't choose to do these things at all

i went full on psycho and didn't understand my own identity yet alone the time or place or reality

i have mental illness

not an attention problem

sure

i would love to just find an easy solution to get zachary to notice me

but i'm not stupid enough to do something illegal and risk going to jail in order to get it

i have a problem and what happened to me was something that happened within the recesses of my subconsious